I was at the mini-mart earlier today, and I was sat stunned in the chips aisle trying to pick something to get. Usually I’ll spring for a thing of Combos¹ or whatever; and my eyes sort of glaze straight over any other participants in the aisle. But this time, I decided to grab a couple random chippy snacks that I’ve never had before, just to try something new and see how they stack up.

Cheez-It Crunch: Kick’n Nacho Cheese

First impression: “oh come on”

I’d give it a: 2 outta 5

These ones looked interesting! The shape on ‘em reminds me of like a pretzel in a Chex Mix or something; a weird “crunch matrix” that sorta looks like the Windows logo. Or an actual window, I guess. I wonder if the shape of the chip actually does anything to improve crunch factor, or if it’s all about the texture of the chip itself.

On the topic of texture: it sure is crunchy, kinda like a Cheeto, but I wouldn’t even say they’re as crunchy as a stock Cheez-It, and it quickly turns into this indescribable mass that gets stuck to your teeth. The “Kick’n” nacho flavor is incredibly jarring. The best description I could find for it was like…if a team of scientists got locked in a room, and they wouldn’t be let out until they engineered a nacho cheese flavor that a dog could enjoy. Like, nacho cheese-flavored dog treats?

I got about two deep and am now wondering what to do with the rest of these. Maybe I’ll get used to ‘em over time? Maybe a different flavor would have fared better for me? I dunno! I guess we’ll have to see.

Cheez-it Puff’d: White Cheddar

First impression: “oh!” [reaches for a couple more]

I’d give it like a: 3 outta 5? 3.5?

If the Crunch were the analog for classic Cheetos, then this is obviously trying to contend with the Cheeto Puff. It’s pretty nice! Definitely much nicer than the crunch-ed version. They’re very small—about the same 2D area as a typical Cheez-It—but are eponymously puffy and like…weirdly solid? I mean, they’re air-y, but I expected some kind of huge air pocket inside as if they just pumped some air into a stock one. Instead it maintains its texture the entire way through, which is kinda crazy.

The white cheddar flavor is nice, pretty strong for what it is; kinda reminds me of a Pirate’s Booty or whatever. I don’t know if I’d consider these absolute tops, but I can’t lie I’ve been munching on ‘em as I write this post, so, they’ve got at least some staying power. Maybe I’d get ‘em again if I’m in the mood for something white cheddar-y.

What?

I feel like if you threw a Cheeto Puff into some kind of discombobulator that separated out its best and worst qualities, you’d get these two snacks. The puff being the kind of starting line of having an actual puffed affect, and the crunch being the bit towards the end when it becomes all condensed and weird. Unfortunately, even a Cheeto Puff at its best still doesn’t quite stack up to something like a cheesy Puffcorn.

I didn’t have a blog post in mind when I picked up these snacks, but I figured my blog’s been doing a good job lately, it deserves a little post. As a treat! Maybe I’ll pick up some other new snacks or foods or whatever and give my thoroughly-amateur thoughts on them at some point. Let me know if you wanna see that? Actually, I guess opting-out is the hip thing to do these days; let me know if you don’t wanna see that. Otherwise, I’ll just go ahead and assume everyone loves it.

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